i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
