I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize