When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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