whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize