Dude my mom stole all your condoms
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
