We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
