come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
