he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
