you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
