he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
