some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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