Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
