I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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