I can text with my tongue
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
