I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
