clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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