drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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