the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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