I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
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