This is not my ceiling
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
