Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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