i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
