Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
