So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Shame - the story of my life.
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