My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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