Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Boobs speak an international language.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
