I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize