I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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