Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
