His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
