wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
