we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
