I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
NoShamevember. You game?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
