I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
