Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize