im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
