you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just found puke in my bra..
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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