if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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