I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize