I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
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