You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
