do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
