I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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