you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
