The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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