we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
