i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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