I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
