I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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