i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
