you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
