i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I haven't been this sober since birth.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
