She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
