I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
