White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
