I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
