I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Randomize
