I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
