I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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