Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
