my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
