so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize