My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
